{five}

Genevieve turned five years old this week. For some reason, five seems like a huge milestone. Perhaps it's because I remember turning five myself...or rather, I remember the dreaded booster shot in the hiney. These kids today have no clue how fortunate they are that they can forgo this exercise in humiliation. But as I was saying, five is a huge birthday, and I'm hanging on for what is sure to be a wild ride of a year.

I'll write more soon about the birthday party, but for today here is my yearly letter to sweet Vivi.


Dear Genevieve,

Over the past year, I've seen your four-year-old personality continue to develop, and much of what I said last year applies to you this year as well. It's an extraordinary journey to be invited to witness the cultivation of your marvelous self. Mostly, I feel like you are molding me instead of the other way around. A new friend exclaimed, "Vivi's face lights up at EVERYTHING. How wonderful!," and I couldn't agree more. Here are some of my favorite of your qualities:

:: keen eye for detail :: You have a precise and discerning regard, and you can often be heard from the backseat reminding me, "Mommy, it's faster to go the other way to the library, remember?" What would I do without your help in getting where I want to go in life? Your keen eye extends to the fashion world too, and your nose crinkles when I attempt in my own fumbling manner to broaden your clothing horizons outside your limiting criteria of 1) pink, or 2) leggings (see also: ruffles). To your credit, this spring you are stepping out in frocks of blue and green (praiseallujah).

:: leadership potential :: What others might call bossiness, I see as the leader in you exploding forth. You direct the operations of many a household task or sisterly game, and I wouldn't choose any other executor as my partner (with the one exception of your daddy). I hope you seek an opportunity to lead a team as an adult, for you will make a heck of a chief. May your brave quest to lead both men and women happen without or in spite of the limitations that both genders seek to put on women who lead my generation.

:: sharp wit :: You've become a lover of Shel Silverstein already, and you laugh heartily throughout his poems. I'm thrilled to share a sense of humor with you. Your expansive vocabulary grows ever greater, and your hunt for information is nearly unparalleled in my experience (your schoolmate Jacob vies for first place in this area, asking his grandmother today, "How was Europe formed?").

:: tender heart :: When I asked you if you wanted to make your grandpa a birthday card, you said "Yes! But I'm going to need a really big card because there are going to be lots of hearts." I hope you will maintain your loving nature and with it, your ability to bring even the shiest of friends into the fold with your patient and kind ways. You are a genuine people lover, and I feel lucky to be loved by you.

:: endeavorous spirit :: Endeavorous is not a word, although I'd like to make it a new one for you because I feel it sums you up so well. You are willing and even excited to try new things, whether they be activities, sports, or food. You encourage our whole family to experiment with your love of life. Thank you for being a stupendous individual.

Love,
Mommy

Teaching Charlie to play baseball. 

on not becoming The Goops

Alternate title: But I still refuse to eat snails.

Have you read French Kids Eat Everything yet? I'm not finished with it, but it's already a game-changer for us. A lovestruck Nate turned to me at dinner last night and wistfully said, a hint of a glistening tear in his eye, "This is just how I wanted dinner to be." Okay, I'm kidding about that. That kind of husbandly praise is the stuff of dreams...

With how much I talk (read: gloat) about feeding my kids real food, it might surprise you I have a lot to learn about teaching kids to eat well. Yes, I usually manage to get my kids to eat healthy food, BUT I have come to dread meal time due to their whininess, messiness, disregard for normal decibel levels and decent personal space, and sibling rivalry that accompany every meal. I was becoming a cross between a hair-raising psycho and a punch-drunk lunatic at dinner, getting into immature discussions with my kids about who was going to get the purple plate and which child would be allowed to sing the third verse of the rainbow song.

Then, the clouds parted, and this book fell into my lap. Or something like that.

But, seriously y'all, I was skeptical at first about whether the tricks in this book would work for us. I have employed some aspects of attachment parenting, and one of them that I associate with the trend is to offer children choices and let them articulate their preferences and control aspects of their food world. If I had to pick one thing I've learned in the last week, it's that the science does not agree; in fact, it suggests children aren't capable of deciding what they should eat, and these decisions actually stress them out.

But the proof is in the pudding: how did the experiment work for us? I am dumbfounded by the fact that not only did these fancy tricks work, but they have made ME enjoy food more. Who could have thought that was possible?

Here's a nutshell about why I give this book two enthusiastic thumbs up, with a few caveats (so maybe, one enthusiastic thumb and another regular thumb):

Caveat first: I don't have as many ingrained issues with food as the writer apparently does [Example: she is a self-professed lover of McDonald's. Gag me with a spoon.], so I had trouble identifying with her tendency to whine about her great luck. She seemed to have begrudgingly taken on the challenge to feed her kids French food--WHILE LIVING IN FRANCE AND MARRIED TO A FRENCHMAN--whereas I look at these opportunities to mold and change my kids as fun experiments. To me, a person who doesn't thank her lucky stars that she can benefit from the wisdom of the best foodies in the world has a bit of a chip on her shoulder. But then again, I try never to judge a woman for a reaction to her mother-in-law's advice.

Having said that, I learned loads from this book. I've only been to France once and then only to Paris, but even after a few days there, I learned easily that the French have figured out how to make good food. They enjoy food so much and so well. What I didn't know was that they have many rules about what, when, and how to eat. Being someone who likes to cook and eat--and someone who is sometimes painfully attempting to teach my kids good manners--I appreciate a culture that is willing to take time in crafting good, well-mannered eaters.

I also didn't realize how many bad American eating habits I have--and even worse--that I'm passing down to my kids.  I had become resigned to my fate, forgetting--or perhaps never knowing to begin with--that I have role in their meal-time education (Rule #1). Could it be as simple as they were misbehaving because they weren't aware that there were meal-time rules?


French Food Rules

Illustration by: Sarah Jane Wright for French Kids Eat Everything

Here are few of the rules she discusses in the book that I am most taken with (in my own words):

Up the formality! 

The French lay a tablecloth (!!), even for small children; they forgo paper napkins and sippy cups, opting instead for glasses, cloth napkins, and real silverware; and they announce the beginning of the meal with a quick phrase, "To the table!" When everyone is seated, they say "Bon appetit!" to signify that everyone may begin eating. My kids love rituals so took to these improvements like buttah. Vivi sets the table with a purpose, as though she has been lying in wait for the chance to be given this task. We've always said a blessing, which is now like icing on the cake instead of the only ritual.

Documentation of our first foray into tableclothing. It's a Kenyan wrap skirt. Cute, huh?

Respect each other...and the food! 

Imagine a meal with small children in which you don't have to endure loud interruptions and whining. Wonderful, right? How is this magic accomplished??

Actually, it isn't that hard. Once I got started, I figured out quickly that the rules I was implementing were exactly what they were already doing at school. Duh. If they say "But I wanted the purple plate!," I say "You get what you get, and you don't get upset." If they say "I don't want tabbouleh!," then I say "You don't have to like it, you just have to taste it." And after both of those phrases, they pipe in with "That's what my teachers say!" Oh, right.

I can't believe I didn't use these rules sooner. I always imagined that if I stopped them from jumping around and yelling, I would somehow be stifling their joy. But while I previously would have used my "Let kids be kids!" go-to parenting rule, I now realize that what I was doing was robbing everyone, including myself, of a chance to eat a peaceful meal. By stopping the chaos, I offer respect to my dinner guests and myself--and to the food we are eating, for that matter.

Plus, I've added an element of fun by asking them a few questions about their day, like their favorite thing, something they didn't like, a funny part of the day, and a time they helped someone. Both of the girls relish this time to shine with everyone listening. And I relish the opportunity to start new Mom catchphrases.

No food bribes or rewards (Rule #2). 

This rule is actually harder for me than I had thought. In my opinion, this rule exempts the once-a-year bribe of "If you do well at the doctor, you can have a lollipop!" But it also means that you can't stuff your kid's face with animal crackers every time you're in line at the bank. You can't jump into the car knowing you're going to get stuck in traffic and bribe your kids with fruit snacks and chips to make it the duration. You can't swoop in after your kid falls down or doesn't get the purple plate and say "If you eat your peas, you will get a popsicle!" What I failed to realize is that I was teaching my kids to fill their voids with food, and by doing that, I was making their relationship with food emotional. Yikes.

No snacking (Rule #7). 

This rule is tied with the rule above. "It's okay for them to be hungry" has become my new internal mantra. Once I attempted to stop our constant snacking, it occurred to me I had been teaching Charlotte to be a snack monster (see: toddler terrorist post). Her hunger monster still rears its head on occasion; however, just as I wouldn't back down when I tell her it's time to brush her teeth, I feel confident that keeping her from simple carbs and sugary juice is going to pay off in the end when she learns to reward her patience with satiety instead of stifling it with empty calories.

Eat family meals together (Rule #4).

I always wanted to enact this rule, and I had done it sometimes, but I admit there were many occasions that I would spend their meal doing dishes or reading blogs in the kitchen instead of sitting with them. Now I look upon meal time as an important part of their education and sit at the table with them, even if I on rare occasion am not eating a meal myself (and I try to make sure I am eating with them). When they are finished with the meal, I let them have time to blow off steam and be silly (read: not at the dining room table), and I take that time to do my quiet recharging or cleaning.


I've been reciting a poem to the girls called "The Goops" that my parents recited to me as a child, and it has taken on a new meaning lately. Turns out that "The Goops" is actually a series of books written in the early 1900's to teach children manners, so it's no wonder it stands out now.

The Goops 

by Gelett Burgess (1900)

The Goops they lick their fingers,

The Goops they lick their knives,

They spill their broth on the tablecloth-

Oh, they lead disgusting lives!

The Goops they talk while eating,

And loud and fast they chew,

And that is why that I 
Am glad I'm not a Goop--are you?

Image credit: Gutenburg.org

Author's Note: I shared this post with Tasty Traditions, Works for Me Wednesday, and Whole Foods Wednesday.

the girls in my world

Charlie has gotten to the age where she sings the alphabet "T...U...Vivi." Vivi went through that phase too, and it is just about the sweetest sound to my ears. I will surely miss that stage when it's gone for good. She adores her big sister, saying "Hey Vivi, how 'bout we play dis game?!" excitedly when Vivi gets home from school. She has been waiting, you see, for her #1 favorite playmate--I make an okay secondary partner, I suppose.

Candy Land has made its way to the top of the chart on game night, and I only grit my teeth a little bit because at least it's fast. Plus, the way they squeal when they turn up a candy picture card, that's worth a bit of nonsense. Luckily we haven't had to endure Shoots and Ladders yet, but I'm also betting age 5 is a big year for board games. Do y'all have board games you like (or more likely, tolerate)? Vivi seems alarmingly good at checkers for her age, and I am past pretending I'm letting her win and on to bringing my A game.

...What this makes you think of me, I can only imagine...

Vivi asks all manner of interesting questions lately. Like, this morning she felt her head and asked if there were multiple bones in her skull. We had discussed that her brain was protected by her skull bone, but I hadn't specified how the skull was formed (why would I, right?). She felt around and noticed that it seemed like there was more than one bone. What were the bones called, she wondered. Nate and I are normally convinced the other one put such notions in her head, only to find out later after drilling each other that she comes up with them on her own. Smartypants! Do your young'ns do this?

She also routinely drills me on the variety of names for her teeth, wanting to be sure she gets the specific tooth right when she informs me that "an incisor is loose." My little scientist. Of course, then in the same blink of a moment, she will wipe a booger on the window or put her shoe on the wrong foot, and I am ushered back into the reality of her four-year-old self. But man, those glimpses of what she will be some day. They are powerful, you know?

After the last picture I posted and then when you see this next photo, you might think all I do is let the kids watch TV. I swear, there is only a tiny part of me that wants to correct this possible line of thought. Do please let the record show that Charlie hand-picked her own stripy outfit (right down to the tights).

What's happening on your end? Any good weekend plans?
Smooches,
~J

this just in: adorable child sings adorable song, gives interview

Charlie is at that age where she'll answer questions and sing songs on demand. Thus, I spend most of my time asking questions and requesting songs. See for yourself...

Dancing!

rebuilding your gut & immune system after antibiotics

IMPORTANT: Please do not put your children on Miralax to prevent or treat constipation. PEG (Polyethylene Glycol), the active ingredient in it, has been reported by FDA to cause neuropsychiatric episodes. Read this article for more information.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor or nutrition expert, so please use your own judgment when making decisions about your health.

When the girls were prescribed antibiotics last month for complications from upper respiratory infections (Charlie also had conjunctivitis. They were a mess!), our pediatrician was surprised at the lack of antibiotics (or medical chart at all) in their history. To be honest, at the time I was disappointed they needed antibiotics; note this article in the journal Pediatrics that discusses over-prescription of antibiotics for upper respiratory infections. I was hoping it would be asthmatic bronchitis (viral) that we could treat with rest, NSAIDs, and/or steroid inhalers.

ten {mostly healthy} snack ideas for kids

Forgive me for the prosaic title? I'm sure I could have come up with one better, but my head is still a bit fuzzy from a virus. Okay then, on with it...

It's a well known parenting law that kids want to eat snacks more than meals. I could never lure my kids into the house from the sandbox by saying "Kids, LUNCH TIME!," but if I offer them a snack, they're in before I finish the sentence. Is it the fact that I serve more salty and sweet goodies during snack? Whatever the reason, I'm inclined to make snack time as nutrition-packed as possible. Because I'm not above sneaking healthy foods into my kids' diet.

on street children and how we CAN help

God bless them for still being able to smile. I wish I could hug them now, those men
they have become, and tell them how proud I am that they made it to the other side.
I can only pray they did make it. (circa 2002)

Today I'm sharing a topic near to my heart. There are orphaned children all over the world, so you could say this post centers upon the plight of all parentless children. I'm focusing particularly on African countries and the organizations that assist their children because I feel a special connection to them. It all began when I was in my early twenties and traveled to Kenya twice; the trips changed the direction of my life and my career goals. Stick with my lengthy introduction, as I will eventually arrive at the point.

it's fall {again}, y'all

In case you are the last to hear this little fun fact, autumn is the best season in New England. The best, Jerry! The weather is unstoppably beautiful nearly every day, enough so that you don't even feel guilty wasting a few hours of mid-60's and blue sky so you can sort boxes in the basement. You know, in case you've got a move coming up in a few weeks and still have beach toys scattered about your yard. So...

first week of pre-k done!

Yup, this was as good as it got that day. Some days aren't picture days.

Genevieve LOVES pre-k. I knew she would, we all did, but she enjoys herself even more than I could have imagined. The girl likes to keep on a schedule. Me thinks my little type-A go-getter was getting more than slightly antsy staying home with my "I dunno, what do you want to do today?" summer mommy routine. Even though I figured her attention-seeking behavior was partly to blame on our schedule-less summer, I couldn't have predicted how quickly she would bounce back into normal behavior when offered a bit of structure. Duly noted for future school breaks.

parenting a "spirited" child

Picking a Halloween costume. Much to Mommy's dismay, Raggedy Ann is not the winner.

Although I realize I handily place myself into a parenting cliche with this next observation, I'm going to say it anyway: Vivi is a special kid. I know, I know, I went there. I even nerdily bolded the text. Go ahead and call me a trite mother. But it's true, she is special! Ever since she turned to me at eighteen months old after a lengthy car trip and said "Oh my goodness, that was long!," I knew I was in for a parenting experience I wasn't quite expecting. The child knew about 150 words (counting what she knew in Spanish too) and spoke in 5-word sentences by the time the doctor told me at her check-up that she should know "about three to five words."

{guest post}: four ideas for vocabulary-building projects and games

I am thrilled to have a guest post today by a talented language educator. The hubster and I both love language--vocabulary, foreign languages, etymology, you name it--and it is important to us that our children study language arts. Because we firmly believe language teaching begins at home, I've been looking for creative ways to add vocabulary-building to our daily activities. Enter Lily and her fabulous post! Be sure to read to the bottom so you can see her bio and website.

p.s. I must add that the "dictionary game" Lily describes below (known to some as Balderdash) is our favorite adult game at my mom's famous Christmas Eve party. The rivalry and ribbing are second to none, so only serious competitors need apply. 
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unleash your kid's inner artist...at the mall!

This month, select GapKids stores across the country will host "Shine On Saturday" events. Click here to read more!

Vivi draws and paints whenever, wherever I will let her. The girl is an artist.

learning about life and death through chickens: {guest post}

I'm thrilled to have a guest post today from Kassandra. Her ability to change what could have potentially been a disastrous experience with her family into a positive one is an inspiring story. I only hope I can be half as insightful about my own family moments. Be sure to read through to the bottom so you can see her bio and her discount offer to Ranger readers!
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At 6am on a Tuesday morning, I went outside to answer the call of nature and saw that nature had called in a totally unexpected way during the night. Our backyard was suspiciously silent, and as I peeked around the corner I noticed a chilling sight. The night before there had been 10 lively three week-old chicks. Now, five half-eaten chicken filets, and two whole dead chicks lay on the ground. We never found any trace of the others.

Auntie M's toddler chili

There are some people in this world who know how to look after a crowd. My Aunt Marcia IS that person. Growing up, I specifically remember standing in her kitchen watching every move she made so that I could absorb it and with hope be able to replicate this talent some day. Her remarkable expertise extends to a near-magic ability to find space for hangers-on that inevitably show up at her door.

the end of an era

Something you might not know about me is: I don't cry. I just don't. It's an event so rare that when I do cry in front of the hubster, he stops what he is doing and holds me and says "Whatever happened, if it's something I did, I was wrong. Are you okay?"

So I guess that's what you'd call a perk about not crying often. I've often been called even-keel, which I mostly think of as a compliment. But one of the downsides of being emotionally steady is that sometimes my emotions are too far under the surface for me to notice, and they bubble up when I least expect. Before I know it, I am bursting into tears while standing in an aisle at CVS trying to decide which hair clips will be best for Vivi at school this fall.

approaching two-ness

Image Credit: Sarah Pelham Photography

Charlie will be two years old at the end of the month. At this age, a magical moment happens where suddenly your child goes from one year old to two seemingly overnight. You realize your baby is nowhere to be found and has been replaced by a talkative, independent, but still comically potbellied person. You can normally find her toddling around in someone else's shoes, shouting things like "MINE!!," "I gonna do too!," or "shut da doh!" Everything is said with at least one exclamation point.

more breakfast to go: carrot raisin bran muffins

Sundays are the best when we don't have an agenda but just meander through the day. This weekend almost required lazy days because of how rainy it's been. But the girls didn't let a little rain stop their fun. They loved playing in it!

guest post at {carrots are orange}: fingerpainting in the tub!

I hope you'll join me over at Marnie's fabulous blog, Carrots are Orange, for my post about a Montessori-inspired sensory play activity you can do with your young kids. It's great for a rainy day...or any day really. It's the best way I know to get my kids to agree to take a bath, next to bubbles. We paint, and then we bathe and wash it away.



p.s. Please disregard the ugly bathroom tile. It's a rental!

should we get a pet? and which kind?

Another great one by Hyperbole and a Half

The "When can I...?" questions have begun in our household. They were trickling in for a while, and then I think it kicked into high gear once Vivi spent two weeks with a nine-year-old girl who attends sleepovers, has already been Bieber-ified, and is talking about what her first tattoo will look like (Winnie the Pooh on her foot, how original!). Now I hear questions that I'm sure she picked up from this girl. I'm sure mostly because of how hilariously skeptical Vivi sounds when asking me, like she's not entirely sure she wants this procedure done and is hoping I'll say no.

planning for big-kid school: the good, bad, and ugly

Hello friends!
It is so refreshing to be with family on a trip. Now that school's out, we are officially in summer mode, with lots of flip flops and sundresses and sticky peaches. But soon enough, we'll be back in school mode, and I'll have a big kid in pre-K. Know what that means? This time next year I'll have a rising kindergartner! Oh my goodness, y'all. I swear it was just yesterday that I was years away from having to think about all this stuff. Public or private? Montessori, Waldorf, or traditional? Pack lunch or buy it? Walk or drive?