flow: a simple way of parenting

Hello, Readers!

I am pleased to introduce you to talented writer Megan Massaro, who co-wrote the book (The Other Baby Book). The authors of the book are conducting a virtual book tour, where they pop in to blogs and guest post. The Other Baby Book is linked up to my blog in my sponsorships sidebar. As with all the other "sponsors," I gave an ad spot and post to Megan because I like her and her blog and think you will too. Be sure to read through to the end of the post to see her bio and other links.

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“Balance” is a buzz word for women, and mothers in particular.

As in, “It’s important to have balance in your life.” “Babies, career, friends, partner—it’s a balancing act.”

There’s even a book called The Balanced Mom: Raising Your Kids Without Losing Your Self. (I have not read this book, BTW. Just mulled over the title.)

Balancing sounds nice, but it’s better left to pilates classes, not moms of babies. Balancing can be scary. If you don’t hold things in exactly the right way, something’s out of whack.

Enter: Flow.

toddler tip: moving to a big kid bed

Fussy Vivi being passed around at her baby dedication. "Auntie M" (aka my sister Millie) holding her here.

The bad news about Vivi as a baby was that she was horribly colicky from 2 months to 5 months. The good news was that from 6 months on she was a very easy baby. It wasn't that she was easy-going; in fact, it was quite a while before I could hand her to someone that wasn't me or Nate and she wouldn't explode in tears. But when it came to feeding and sleeping, two of the major activities of babyhood, she was a champ! She would occasionally wake in the middle of the night if she was having a growth spurt, teething, or just generally feeling icky, but for the most part she slept through the night from 6 months on, from 6:30pm to 6:30am (or even as late as 8am on weekends).

I give a lot of the credit to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He is an advocate for early bedtime, which I think single-handedly changed the way Vivi slept. He also says that it's not as much where you put your baby, in bed with you or in a crib, as much as it is that you are consistent. While I also like the Dr. Sears' collection of baby books, it just never made sense to me to put our kids in bed with us. I have seen many households where bed-sharing lasts throughout childhood. Even now I feel a cold shutter just envisioning that unfortunate predicament. And as I've said, I love and need my sleep, and I just can't imagine giving up our tranquil bed (a king size with flannel sheets=my idea of heaven), even for my beloved children.

When it came time to transition Vivi out of her crib, I knew that we could encounter some difficulties. For one thing, we weren't making the switch because she asked us for a bed (one of the traditional reasons) but because Charlotte needed the crib. We had also been having trouble with her climbing out of the port-a-crib when I was at my mom's, so I figured as soon as the jail cell walls came down, she would be getting up at all hours of the night to play or visit with us. I had even read that some kids will wake up at 5am and assume they can get up, so they come storming into their parents' bedroom to start the day. My worst nightmare realized!

Luckily, Vivi's great sleep habits have continued on to toddlerhood. Since we moved her to a bed, we haven't had a single night of her getting out of bed. Naps are a different story, but when she gets up before it's time, I simply use Dr. Weissbluth's "silent return" technique, which works like a charm. More about that method and others are on this website. Mommy bloggers gave me some additional ideas that I think also helped. Below is the timeline of what we did.

1. Transition slowly; put the bed in the room before you plan to use it. We let Vivi sit on the bed during story time or jump and play on it until it became a regular part of her room and not something scary and new.

2. Get a book that explains the transition. I recommend this trick for potty training too. Vivi loved her Elmo book and wanted to read it over and over.

3. Let them pick out their own sheets. This tip would likely work with picking out the bed too, but we got ours as a hand-me-down (thanks Uncle Joe & Aunt Kim!). Target has some adorable and reasonably priced bedroom sets.

4. Buy a toddler clock. This clock is expensive, but it's worth its weight in gold. No kidding, get one of these!! It turns blue at bedtime and nap time, and it turns yellow to signify it's ok to get up. I was amazed that Vivi understood the concept right away. I found out about this idea accidentally when googling "good night light" because Vivi has gotten to the age when she's a bit afraid of the dark (this clock came up in my results). The reason I got the pricey one is that it also turns green when you want to have some "special play time." It turns red for time-out too, although it seems a bit melodramatic to take your kid to their room and turn the clock red for a 2 min time-out. There are even some features I don't use: it will play music and/or white noise, and it will read a story. Why you'd want your clock to read a story to your kid instead of doing it yourself is beyond me, but to each his own.

A top 5 list...

As a die-hard John Cusack fan, I love a good turn-of-the-century Cusack pop culture reference. Hence today's "Top 5" list. One thing I have noticed when I am up in the middle of the night with my screaming baby is that it gives me a lot of time to think. And what was I thinking about the other night, you might ask? Why, the Top 5 difficult things I have experienced in my life, of course! Here they are in very particular, countdown-to-the-top order:

5. The "bridge accident," my not-so-near-death experience (a crew thing)

4. Potty training my toddler

3. Erging a 2k test (another crew thing)

2. Natural childbirth

1. Sleep training my babies!

There are other experiences that could have made the list. The death of my favorite cousin Clay is an experience none of my family will ever fully get over, and I felt it unfair to compare it to anything else I have been through. Then there are the experiences I've had overseas (using a rural "bathroom" in Kenya, trying to find a store to purchase a pillow in the UK, nearly running out of gas in Scotland, looking for my hotel room in Venice, etc....), but that's another list for another day. I've got tons of husband-related items too, but they're just more run of the mill, garden-variety, banal bitching comments. Ultimately I decided that to make the list, I had to say to myself in the moment of the experience, "This CAN'T be happening to me." A little pain also helped move a few up the list.

When I figure out #1 on the list, I'll let you know. I'm rooting for the sleep training story to turn out to be a comedy, but today I'd have to say it's a tragedy. I'll say this much...raising babies is not for the faint of heart.